your heart had been aching for so long
its strings were intertwining, tangling,
it was beating harder than it ever did
you told me those people
played you like an old violin
with old strings ready to snap
they made you feel so good
vibrated your core
they made you feel alive again
until they played too fast
the strings broke,
then the bow slipped
and struck you deeply
meanwhile
they were just fulfilling
their own carnal desires
with your meat
-y heart
Fuck you!
he said,
drowning in a wine terror
back up to the surface
he’s regurgitating now
all of it
all of those things they
did and do to him
I look at him now
as he crawls back from the toilet
as he’s losing control
his tears start falling down
defeated, torn
and dripping all over
he’s hurting, I understand :
he yells to keep that
masc on but
I hate those who don’t
and won’t ever
get him
and see who’s under
the masc
Pôle nôrd, pôle sud
je voyagerai entre les deux
d’un pôle, à l’épaule
je n’arrive plus à porter
ma douleur sur mes épaules
épaule à épauler
en aircraft
spacecraft
j’irai de galazie en galaxie
pour mieux malaxer
ce spleen accompli
repli et rempli
encore et encore
d’un bout à l’autre
souple, court et essouflé
j’arrive finalement à
nager
asoirre
mon verre de vin
goûte ta babine
babine qu’a pas
suit ses propres
bottines
histoire intime
mon verre à vin goûte tes babines
je l’lave
je l’essuye
puis j’essore ma guénille
en vain
parce t’es déjà parti
en patin
vite
au fond du lac,
caché
comme dans ton closet.
je marchais dans le quartier
une autre tentative pour calmer ce spleen
qui m’accable ces jours-ci
je ne sais pas nager,
mais je flotte dans sa bile noire
tout comme toi,
il ne se calme pas
hyperactif et lâche
vous me causez des ennuis
toi tu ne m’as jamais relâché
je croyais qu’on n’était plus rien
puis tu revenais aussi vite
je t’emmerdais, je te tapais sur les nerfs
puis tu revenais aussi vite
je t’avais même frappé pour me défendre
puis t’est quand même revenu
t’es comme une crisse de mauvaise grippe
t’est là, et tu ne pars pas
t’es là, et je suis misérable
t’es là, je m’habitue
t’es là, j’ai mal — partout
mais là
j’espère que restera au loin
au cas où je ne pourrais m’empêcher
de t’inviter et que tu finisses par
re-venir chez/sur moi
éventuellement
tu partiras pour de vrai
comme un fantôme
je ne te reverrai plus,
mais j’aurais toujours
ces frissons ici et là
ils me rappellent par où tu es venu
I woke up
naked, and waiting
for him
to love me again
to insert his comment
in my mid-sentence
naked
I’m still waiting
for his love, to give
but, I think he’ll keep me waiting,
once more
I don’t know what came over me
I got dressed
put my topcoat over me and my briefs
and unshamedly, proudly
walked… and started running
as far as I could
away from him, our bed
away from his love
yet still, to give (away all his secrets)
should there be no trace of us
here at this brewpub table
should there be no trace of you here,
or of your car parked here
should there be no trace here
of your drunken tears and terrors
and should there be no trace
of you, on my bedsheets next to me
I’ll trace the line
and I’ll memorize it
I’ll trace the line
because the other night
I fell in love with you
I’ll trace the line
so I can’t forget you
I’ll run on the line
and make my way
as far away as I can
from you
I’ll run on the line
fearless
I’ve nothing to lose
now since you’ve left
I searched too deep, too far
I’m so far gone
my selfish attempt
to know why you’re not
mine,
anymore
I’ve forgotten who I am
meanwhile you’re out there,
living your best life with this boy
your current receptacle
for your nightly pollution
yet I’ll always be
attempting to swallow
that pill you gave me
forgetamine 200mg
pale colored
too rough
but like you,
I just keep coughing it right up
and it doesn’t stay
I’ve always love-hated
these marks that you
kept leaving on
my naked body
on my chest
on my neck
on my inner thighs
they kinda used to
make me miss you
they all left me,
some faster than others,
but not as fast as you did,
at least they kept me
company at night.
Been a month now
since you left
but I still can’t
wash your scent
off my sheets
off my chest
the taste of you
on my tongue
tonight,
even my
god damn
glass of wine
tastes like your lips
your lips
they never stopped
always kept going
should’ve called you the
southbound to nowhere
since you went as fast as
a train about to derail
you’re a hot mess
boiling to a roar
about to crash
and
burn
I wish you well.